Nap-time Nookie: Navigating Postpartum Intimacy
Written by a pelvic floor physical therapist at Empower Your Pelvis, in Kansas City, Missouri (Lee Summit, MO and Overland Park, KS)
Having gone through postpartum three times, I’ve learned that each experience has its own unique challenges, especially when it comes to returning to intimacy with your partner. I want to share what has worked for my husband and me as we rekindled our connection after having kids.
Postpartum Sex is Different—And That’s Okay
Let’s get real for a second: postpartum sex is completely different from pre-baby intimacy. Between vaginal dryness, increased sensitivity, and leaky boobs, sex is not the same as before. And that’s totally fine! I love my husband deeply, but let’s be honest—sleep deprivation and a newborn don’t exactly set the mood.
Make Sure You’re Ready
Before diving back into the bedroom, it’s essential to ensure both you and your partner feel ready, especially after getting the green light from your healthcare provider. After my first child, I felt societal pressure to resume sex right away, but I wasn’t ready. An emergency C-section and difficult recovery left me uncomfortable in my body. I wanted to connect with my spouse, but adjusting to my new postpartum body, combined with the stress of a crying baby and hormonal changes, made it hard to focus.
And hormones? They seriously impacted my libido. Add in sleep deprivation, and the last thing on my mind was intimacy. It took me around 13-15 months to feel more like myself, although I have friends who felt ready much sooner (lucky them!).
Postpartum Pain and Pelvic Floor Therapy
With my second baby, things were even more challenging. The discomfort around my C-section scar made any touch below the belt feel unbearable. The vaginal dryness was real—no amount of lube could solve the problem. The pain and sensitivity left me in tears. Thankfully, my husband was incredibly supportive, but after a few painful attempts, I knew I needed help. That’s when I sought out pelvic floor physical therapy, which made a huge difference.
Third Time’s the Charm: Lube is Your Best Friend
After our third baby, we waited until about 11 weeks postpartum before being intimate again. Thankfully, this time was much better. While I still dealt with dryness (thanks, breastfeeding hormones), lube and foreplay became essential parts of our routine—and they still are 13 months later. Don’t ever feel embarrassed about using lube; it’s a lifesaver for postpartum moms.
Communication and Patience are Key
Open communication with your partner is essential. There were times I wanted to keep my shirt or bra on because I felt insecure about my postpartum body. My husband, bless him, couldn’t have cared less about these things, but he always respected my feelings. His patience and understanding made me love him even more.
During the postpartum period, it’s not the time for adventurous moves. Take it slow, focus on your comfort, and be present in the moment. If you experience discomfort, communicate with your partner, take a deep breath, and try changing positions. If pain persists, it might be time to consult a pelvic floor therapist.
The Reality of Scheduling “Nap-time Nookie”
These days, we have to schedule “Nap-time Nookie,” which isn’t as spontaneous as it used to be. With three little ones to care for, the end of the day leaves me exhausted. So, we aim to align the kids’ naps and take advantage of that time. My husband handles the older boys, while I nurse the youngest to avoid leaky boobs before we meet in the bedroom.
Having that quiet time, knowing the kids are sleeping, allows us to focus on each other and really enjoy the moment. Honestly, this is when I’ve experienced some of the most intense orgasms since having children.
Every Relationship is Unique
One last thing to remember: every couple is different. Love languages play a role, too. My husband could be intimate every day if possible, but I don’t always feel the same. Luckily, he’s supportive and helps out around the house, which frees up my energy for moments like “Nap-time Nookie.”
Final Thoughts: Postpartum intimacy may look and feel different, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be just as fulfilling. With patience, communication, and a few practical tips (hello, lube!), you and your partner can reconnect in new, meaningful ways. Every relationship is unique, so give yourself grace and embrace this new chapter together.
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With wellness in your pelvis-
Amanda Fisher, PT, DPT
Owner, Empower Your Pelvis, a pelvic floor physical therapy clinic in Kansas City (Lee’s Summit, MO and Overland Park, KS)